Everyone is trying to find a place in this world...
if you have time…
read my english essay…
it’s the truth..
Worried, I’ll disappoint someone. Worried, I can’t love someone, because I’ve never been shown the affection as a child. Feeling like every step you make is being watched… Your permanently walking on glass, so thin, holding your breath, and starting to feel light headed… This is the world I live in. The adults in your life don’t treat you with respect or maturity… It lets you believe that you have no capability in accomplishing anything with your life.
I’m 19, still in high school, any adults in my life don’t seem to treat me as an adult, its not that I don’t act like one, its how my family treats me, that impacts the views of others. But moving twenty-three times, growing up in my little brothers shadow, doesn’t help me with the confidence I need to carry on. To add, being put under the microscope with every move I make, as having to be perfect, is a lot of pressure, for a young woman, who works twenty plus hours per week, homework every night, and takes care of what goes on at home… But who am I, to be complaining? I am the second youngest out of eight children. I can’t let anyone worry about me… Because in my household, my thoughts, words, feelings, and actions don’t matter. Just as long as I, “obey” in every aspect of my life in the eyes of my parents, I‘ll be ok. But…in doing so, I hide who I really am… as I’m struggling to let my voice be heard… In my mind, the constant thoughts of the dislikes of who I am, that are said by my family, is what has got to me. At times I think… “If I don’t fight my family trying to make me perfect, into the person they want me to become, than they will be happy.” But, I ask my self, “How can I let myself slip away… in becoming someone I’m not proud of, someone who is fake, unreal?” How can I be 19 years old, not standing up for how I feel or not letting anyone change me? Why can’t anyone hear me? When your surrounded by people, why do you feel so alone?
…My untold story
